I came home for Christmas…. well not that much for Christmas, as for my own peace.The last time I know I was at peace , I was in Jaipur (where I was training) and I could understand (well almost) everything the Lord was doing. But soon God moved me to Udaipur, which was unexpected, quick and uneasy. I knew I needed to move out. But sadly I didn’t make any peace with the fact that God’s ways are higher than my ways.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” declares the Lord
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts….”
I kept searching for ways to think that the other place was better than this one and constantly cribbing at the present. Constantly comparing and bickering. The first month was very difficult to pass by.
But God taught me that these difficult periods are only seasons, they soon pass away just like the good times.
When I was deciding to take up this job, God’s word was clear to me. I learnt from the story of ‘Wedding at Cana’. Jesus turns water into wine. He turned the ordinary looking water into wine, He used the water jugs that probably were not used for any dignified purpose, he used servants who didn’t seem important at the wedding. But most importantly, HE DID IT IN HIS OWN TIME.
He could also change my ordinary looking job, an ordinary looking city into something honorable, something extraordinary. I accepted it as an approval that day, but never thought about it further.
And the difficult time soon passed away. I didn’t even notice. I was more comfortable, less rushed and easy-going, learning a lot. But the magic was still missing. I think I was still angry at God, thankless and indifferent towards everything He was doing. I lost the child in me. Lost the eyes which helped me to see the magic . Lost the writer who used to put it into words.
I missed myself. I missed God and I missed everything I used to have. I used to talk to Him. But it was never the same. I was spiritually dry.
So, I decided – I needed to go home. I looked back at what happened to me this whole year.. and guess what I realized? My water had turned into wine and I hadn’t even noticed. I wasn’t even thankful about it. And It happened in His Time
So I got home. Jumped and danced. Got into the child me. Got back. Well I’m still in the process. And was reminded:
“…in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
The one thing I saw was that in all this, God was and is faithful, He was kind to me and carrying me through all of this. His love is definitely not what I deserve. It is purely Grace that I’m here.
So if you’re running in life, unaccepting something that happened to you. Get back to where you started, maybe you’ll find your answer. Maybe you’ll find your peace.
Go back! Before it’s too late.